Weird Things in the Tekken Universe
by BahamutZERO
Summary: Funny stuff happens, things go wrong, people die, it's all funny! Please R&R!! (Rated R for adult language and some scenes of sexual nature)
1. Default Chapter

Weird Things in the Tekken Universe By BahamutZERO  
  
Chapter 1  
  
This is Tekken thing. I don't know what to call it, so I'm just going to refer to it as Tekken. Okay. Hey! Are you listening to me? Good. So anyway, the whole theme here is an actual Tekken Tag Tournament. We join our warriors as they are seated on the steps of the Mishima Zaibatsu.  
  
At. oh never mind. You know where they are.  
  
Kazuya and Jun were seated in the front row. As they all waited, a paper plane whizzed by and struck Paul. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who fucking did it!?" Yoshi raised his hand. "Okay, I am now going to kill you," Paul said as he cracked his knuckles. Yoshi shook his head and pointed up to the large balcony. Heihachi stood there and looked down at the others. "Welcome you losers- I mean, howdy! I'm here representing the G-Spot Corporation. Welcome to my brand spanking new Tekken Tag Tournament. I will be announcing the teams. The prize for the winner is. my huge mega conglomerate corporation!" Everyone moaned. They didn't want it. If anyone was in control, it was a coup et tat waiting to happen. As they were getting up to leave, Heihachi rolled his eyes and said," And on top of that, I'll throw in some cheap internet stock options." Everyone immediately sat down. "And now, the teams! Team one is: Kazuya Mishima and Jun Kazama!" Kazuya and Jun got up and embraced. Jun said," Oh, honey. I'm so happy. But I am a little scared. What if.?" "Don't worry, Jun Bug. I will not allow you to get the shit beaten out of you." Jun giggled. "I just love it when you call me Jun Bug!" They fell over and made out. Heihachi scrolled down the list. "Next is: Ling Xiaoyu and-" Ling crossed her fingers. "King!" Ling slumped down and pouted as King walked up and offered a hand. Ling gloomily got up and walked to the bus. "Next we have Michelle Chang and Ganryu Runway!" Michelle jumped up and was about to chuck a hatchet at him, when he held up his hand and said," Sorry. I had a crown replaced last week." Paul laughed out loud. "Ha! What, someone knock your tooth out?" "No, I chomped on an uncooked piece of rice at the Olive Garden." Paul sat down. "Now Jin Kazama and Yoshimitsu!" They got up and shook hands, then went to the bus. "Now we have Lei WuLong and Anna Williams!" Lei jumped up in joy. "YES!! Now I don't have to go along with Bruce or that zombie." He took Anna's arm and walked to the bus. Some of the other teams were: Bruce and Bryan, Nina and Wang, Paul and Hwoarang. Now I did this just to get on with the story. Okay?  
  
In the hotel rooms. Kazuya and Jun were watching TV. Jun turned to Kazuya and said," I'm worried about Jin, sweetie." "Why's that? He's master a kicking at people's Asses." "Yes, but I feel insecure about our son not having any guidance." Kazuya took Jun into his arms. "Don't worry. I know he'll he alright." Jun ran her fingers through Kazuya's hair. "I love you, pumpkin." "As I you, Jun Bug." You know what happens next. "Okay, King. Let's get one thing straight. I'm with Jin, so don't try to hit on me. Got it?" King was tied up in a chair. He nodded. "Okay, I'm going to let you go now." She untied King who got up and walked off saying," I'm going to get a candy bar from the lounge. Want one?" "No, I think I'll just go to sleep." King exited and walked down the corridor. He could easily hear what was going on in the other rooms. In one room, he could hear some kind of. sucking sound. "Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy, bitch!" "Oh, you are, you are!" Paul was in his room with Bob. "Stop calling me that!" What, that's your nickname. "Shut the fuck up!" "Who the fuck are you talking to?" Paul asked. "Fuck you!" Bruce and Bryan were having a knee fight. Bryan grabbed Bruce by his shoulders and drove his left knee into Bruce's nuts. "AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" He retaliated with his own genital mutilating knee kick. Bryan laughed and said," I'm a zombie." King came back to his room and saw that the shower was on. Thinking Ling was still in bed, King entered the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. As he came in, he tripped on a bar of soap and hit the floor. Ling appeared from behind the curtain. "I knew you would try to do that!" King scrambled away. Back outside, he saw Ling on the bed. King was dumbfounded. "How did you-?" "For God sake, put some clothes on!" King looked down and realized that he was exposed. He entered the shower again. Ling took the opportunity to sneak out the window. She was standing on the balcony. She jumped up and grabbed hold of a higher ledge, then shimmied around to the next. She pulled herself up and dropped silently into Jin's room. Yoshi and Jin were on different beds. Yoshi was snoring. "Mmf. cut, cut. stab, bleed." Ling shook Jin awake. Jin rubbed his eyes and said," Ling what are you doing in here?" "I had to see you again." "Why?" "I don't know." "Okay." "Listen, Jin. We may have to fight each other." "I could never hurt you, Ling." "I know. So obviously, one of us is going to have to throw the fight." "Well, I can't throw the fight, because Ogre is nasty." "And I can't throw the fight because. Okay, I'll throw the damn fight!" "Good." "Jin, be careful. I hear some foreign fighter is after you." She kissed Jin and exited through the door. She arrived back at her room to find King tending a bruise. "What happened to you, King?" "I slipped in the damn shower." "Oh, sorry. That must have been my shampoo. Don't you ever take that mask off?" "I can't. I spilled some hot glue on it in sewing class. I forgot what I look like." Bruce and Bryan ended their fight. They both had red swollen nuts. Bruce said," You win. I just can't take this abuse anymore." -  
  
So what do you think so far? Funny? Maybe not, I'm not good with humor. Anyway, I'll keep updating so thanks for reading. 


	2. Weird things happen! Really!

Weird Things in the Tekken Universe By BahamutZERO  
  
Chapter 2  
  
At the tournament.  
  
Paul and Hwoarang were up first. Their opponents: Ryu and Ken. Ryu said," Look, Paul. We both know you suck. You can't withstand my hurricane kick." Paul narrowed his eyes. Nobody, repeat, NOBODY calls Paul a loser. He cracked his knuckles and snarled," You just signed your death warrant, Astro Boy." FIGHT!! POW!! It was all over. Paul delivered a Phoenix Smasher right into his gut. Ryu was launched into the air and hit the ground, rolling back into a wall. Paul spat on the ground and said," Who's next?"  
  
Anna and Lei were getting ready. Lei slipped into a shiny green outfit, while Anna put on a skanky bikini. They were up against Zangief and Jacky. FIGHT!! Zangief tried to fall on Lei, who ducked and slipped away. Zangief got up and sent some slow punches, which Lei rolled away from. He came in with his super patented Lice Buster. Zangief reeled in pain. But still, he picked Lei up and performed a spinning pile driver, knocking Lei to the side. Lei reached a hand out to Anna, who ran in and kicked Zangief's dick. He fell over and lay still. Then he got up and ran as Jacky rushed in. He sent some kicks. Anna dodged them and grabbed Jacky by his hand. She punched his jaw, then sprained his arm, then locked his arm between her legs and rolled over, breaking Jacky's arm in an instant. Anna had won! She stripped off her clothes and shook her breasts in triumph.  
  
Kazuya and Jun were in a locker room. Jun slipped into her blue gi and fastened her kneepads. Kazuya removed his shirt and pulled his sparring gloves on. They were fighting Cammy and M. Bison. Kazuya grabbed Jun and pulled her close. Jun stood on her toes and whispered into Kazuya's ear. "What the hell are they doing?" Cammy asked. "They are doing things that a husband and wife do." "Well, that tells me a lot, you dick fart!" FIGHT!! Cammy didn't even see Jun rush in with her Tooth Fairy. She juggled Cammy with some sweep kicks. Cammy jumped away and M. Bison shot in with a jump kick. Jun ducked underneath, then grabbed Bison and threw him to the ground, where Kazuya flew in with Demon Scissors. Cammy rushed back in. Kazuya missed his Gut Punch and was met with a retaliatory head kick. Kazuya dazed over to Jun, who spun and caught Cammy by the knee with her Violet. She rolled and pushed Cammy over, breaking her knee. The fight was over. Kazuya rushed over to Jun and the two engaged in seventeen minutes and forty-two second long kiss. Then Kazuya said one thing: TWAH!!  
  
King and Ling were facing their opponents. Ling was especially mad at her foe: Chung Li. They both leaped, cart wheeled, and flipped around. They both tired and tagged out. King rushed in to meet his opponent, Fei Long. Fei ducked and slipped out of King's grapples. Tried as he might, King could not pull off his throws. King reverted to his punches and kicks, but he was too slow. Kicks and punches pummeled King until he could take no more. Ling immediately flipped in and kicked Fei right in the shin. He tagged. Ling grabbed Chung and pushed her into King, who broke her pussy with Muscle Buster. King realized that if he was going to grab, now was the time (slow motion, insert Chariots of Fire music). Then he grabbed Fei in a Giant Swing and threw him into Chung. He grabbed Chung and threw her into a DDT. Fei got to his feet, which were broken by King's Scorpion Death Lock. They fell, battered and bruised. Ling jumped up and down and hugged King, who, in his frenzy, picked Ling up and delivered a Tombstone Pile Driver.  
  
Bruce and Bryan were facing Sagat and Blanka. Bruce pointed at Sagat. "I'm better than him!" Bryan agreed. "Yep. He's Sagat the faggot!" FIGHT!! "Tiger! Tiger! Tiger! Tiger!" "Stop with the fucking tigers!" Bruce did his spin and slap on Sagat. He tagged out and Blanka came in and humped Bruce. "Ugh! Help me Bryan!" Bryan rushed in and used Mach Breaker. POW!! Blanka was knocked cold. Sagat returned and sent more tigers. Bruce ducked low and finished with his Tornado uppercut. Then Bryan grabbed Sagat and brought a knee into his crotch. "AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
Jin and Yoshimitsu were up against Sarah and Lion. Jin faced Lion first. Jin easily beat him to a pulp. He drove his fist into Lion's stomach and knocked him away. Then, he grabbed Lion and used Complicated Wire. Sarah jumped and swept Jin off his feet. Looking up, Jin saw Sarah leap into the air, ready to pounce. Jin rolled away as Yoshi came in and used Poison Wind on the grounded Sarah. Then he hit the floor and stared at her. Sarah screamed," I'm going to wipe my ass on your sword!!" Yoshi jumped up and spun around. He lodged his sword into her backside. Sarah stood there, coughing up blood. Yoshi pushed the sword in harder and let her go. She dropped dead to the ground. Then. "Ah, Jin. An amazing form of martial arts." Akira stood there. Jin narrowed his eyes. "What do you want from me?" "A fight to the death. Many say you are as good as me. But I'll prove who is superior!" Akira rushed Jin with a series of blazing fast attacks. Jin blocked and parried, and finally they caught each other in an arm lock. Akira said," Forget it! You're ten years too early!" "You're one year too late," Jin replied through gritted teeth. He used Demon Steel Pedal and smashed him in the jaw. The fight continued until Akira had beaten Jin. Jin was lying on the ground. Akira started beating off in triumph when. Jin saw his mother appear before him. "Jin," she said. "Don't give up!" Ling. "Jin, we still have so much time for fucking left!" "Jin, my son. You are a superb master of karate. You CAN beat Akira. Now while your mother and I freshen up (cough) you kill Akira." Ling flashed her boobs. "Now get up!!!!!!!" A lightning bolt streaked across the sky. Jin rose up as the rain pounded on him like a mass of heresy. He flashed his eyes in sheer power. "Oh, Jin. So now you think you can beat me. Forget it! You can't win. You. will. fail!" Jin screamed as his Devil Gene came to live, enveloping him in light. Jin sprouted wings and attacked Akira. Akira stood no chance. He was beaten to a pulp. Jin reverted and said," What just happened? One minute I was a devil, next I feel like I just had an orgasm."  
  
Kazuya had defeated his father. He threw him. into a wastebasket. Back at home; they were lounging on the bed. Jun touched Kazuya's face. "Oh, honey. You were incredible." "That's right, Jun Bug." Jun giggled. "I LOVE it when you do that! Come here!!!!" At another part of the world: "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Bruce had just driven his knee into Bryan's nuts.  
  
-  
  
Chapter 3 is coming soon. Until then! 


	3. More weird things!

Weird Things in the Tekken Universe By BahamutZERO  
  
Chapter 3  
  
One day, Paul woke up and jumped out of his dumpster. He stretched and walked into the blinding sun. Looking down the street, he searched for his ride. Suddenly, it dawned on him. His Harley was missing. A shrill cry could be heard from miles away.. Paul immediately consulted Marshall Law. At the dojo, Marshall was thinking of a solution. "First, you have to calm down, Paul." "WHAT!? This is outrageous! You can mess with Paul Phoenix, but you DON'T mess with his ride!!" Paul decided to go talk to the others. His first destination was Kazuya. Paul didn't need to knock: he charged up his fist and punched a hole through a wall to gain entry. Kazuya shot up from the couch. "Paul, what are you doing here? Jun and I were making love!" "Playtime's over!" Paul shot back. He could see someone's head poke up. "Honey, what's wrong?" "Nothing, dear. Just. stay in that position." Kazuya walked up to Paul and offered him a drink. Paul grabbed the bottle of Brandy and downed it in one go. Kazuya leaned against the wall. "Now, Paul. What's going on?" "Someone stole my goddamn motorcycle!" "You came all the way over here, busted up my house, and interrupted our passionate embrace just to tell me that you think someone stole your ride?" Paul nodded. Kazuya sighed and said," I don't know anything about your motorcycle. Jin was out in the city one day with Ling. Maybe he knows something." In Jin's room. Jin was quietly reading a book. Suddenly, he heard a thump. Looking out the window, he saw Ling climbing a ladder. She got to the top and stepped inside. "Hi, Jin! How's it going?" "Oh, just fine. I was just reading." "Really?" "Yes." "Well, I just had to come see you. I was bored. So anyway, I was wondering if." She seductively walked up and put her arms around him. They fell on the bed. As Ling was just about to reach into Jin's pants, Jin said," You know there is only one way to stop me from making you scream-" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! "-and there it is." Ling jumped under the bed and hid there as Jin went and opened the door. "What it is, Paul?" "Jin, someone stole my motorcycle and you'd better hope it wasn't you." Jin looked amused. "No, Paul. I have no idea who took it."  
  
At the station.  
  
Eddy had been arrested on charges of Stealing Paul's motorcycle. Paul walked with Yoshi and Jin. "I'll interrogate him," Paul said. Paul walked into the padded room, while Yoshi and Jin walked into the room on the other side of the one-way glass. Paul sat down across from Eddy. "Okay," he said. "Tell me where the motorcycle is and I'll consider sparing your life." "I'm not telling you anything, you bitch." Paul threw Eddy into a wall and punched him in the face. Then he threw him onto the table and choked him saying," Where is it, huh? Where?" Paul pushed Eddy up against the wall and said," Blood or answers? I should spill a bit of them both, hmm?" Then he punched Eddy in the gut very hard. Eddy crumpled to the ground. Jin said," That's enough." He walked off, as Yoshi stood there, wide-eyed. "HOLY SHIT!!" Jin entered as Paul was closing the door on Eddy's face. Eddy dropped to the floor. He whispered. "Heihachi." Paul jumped up. "YES!! Now I just have to go there and get my motorcycle back. A snap!!" Nina stopped him. "Aren't you going to stay with us?" "Sorry, I'm not cut out for this kind of work." Nina muttered under her breath," He's not cut out for any kind of work."  
  
At the Mishima place. Paul walked along the sidewalk, trying to find a way in. Suddenly, Michelle passed by. She stopped and grabbed Paul by his shoulders. "Help me, Paul!" "What the fuck is wrong." "Ganryu's after me!" Paul gazed down the street, and sure enough, the biggest tub of lard you ever saw came waddling down the street. Michelle screamed and ran away. Ganryu stopped and said," Hey, did you see Michelle?" "No, you fat ass. Why do you keep chasing her around?" "She's my freak." "Listen, make yourself useful and give me a boost." Paul used Ganryu as a step and leaped over the wall. Then he snuck up to the front door and addressed the voice-activated entrance. "Enter password." Paul thought for a minute. "Well, uh." "Password incorrect." "No, I didn't say any-" "Password incorrect." "Hey, stop it!" "Password incorrect." "FUCK YOU!!!" "Password accepted. You may enter." Paul blinked and then entered. He certainly didn't fit in with the crowd of business people. So he grabbed one guy, went into the bathroom, beat the shit out of him, and disguised himself. Then, he went to the top floor. At the top floor. Heihachi was sitting with his top officials. Anna happened to be a secretary, and Wang was an advisor. "Heihachi, would you please avert your gaze from Anna's breasts for a second," Wang said impatiently. Heihachi scowled at Wang and turned in his seat to face him. "So, what is so important that I need to be interrupted during fun time?" Heihachi said. K. BBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! (very loud explosion) Paul punched through the wall and said," You're finished. Where's my motorcycle??" Heihachi looked at Paul like he didn't know what he was talking about. "I don't know, you homeless, jobless, piece of white trash." "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!!??!!?!?!" "I CALLED YOU A HOMELESS, JOBLESS, PIECE OF WHITE-" "NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!! Hey, wait a minute! What happened to the caps? THANKS!!! oKaY, you're going down!!" Paul leaped up on the table and brought his fist down on Heihachi's head. "Ow, you are dead meat. Okay, that sounds really stupid." Heihachi jumped up and kicked Paul where it really hurts. Paul bent over, clutching his nuts. "Must. get. my. Hey, let's speed it up here!" Paul charged up his fist and punched. nothing but air, as Heihachi dodged out of the way and threw a rubber duck at Paul. Paul laughed," Oh, that really hurt! I'm dying." "Ha ha! That's right!" Suddenly. it exploded. Paul was covered in carbon. "That does it!" He picked up Heihachi and threw him out the window. Paul sat down for a moment and rested. He still hasn't found his motorcycle. When will he find it? Hasn't he suffered enough? When will his torment end? Why am I asking you? When will I stop asking questions like this? What? Huh? Who?  
  
At a small pub.  
  
"I just don't get it," Paul said, as he stirred his tea. "Don't worry," Nina reassured him. "It'll turn up some time." "I'm beginning to wonder about that." Paul decided to have some fun. He "accidentally" dropped his spoon under the table. While he bent over to pick it up, he flashed a few looks at Nina's legs. Then, as he went to get some sugar he "slipped" and "steadied" himself by placing a hand on Nina's right breast. As he went to the counter, trouble showed up. "So this is where the slut's been hiding!" Nina stood up and got up in her sister's face. "SLUT!? I'll have you know that I've done nothing of that sort!" "Oh, right. Nina, the good little girl. I'll bet you killed father." "WHAT!?" "It was you, wasn't it? I was loyal to him. You were just a brown-nosed bitch!!" They both got into a slap fight and ripped each other's clothes off. Paul sat down and "observed." When Nina and Anna noticed Paul watching, they got a little ticked off. "DOUBLE SISTER ATTACK!!" "HOLY SHIT!!!!!" The two women tackled Paul. Nina sat on his chest and slapped him repeatedly, while Anna kicked his dick over and over and over and over and over and over and. well, you get the idea. King came in and when he saw the scene, he was a little stunned. "Hey, is there a problem here?" Nina and Anna got up and shook hands. "Meet you for lunch?" Anna said. "Sure," replied Nina. "I'm getting a perm today." They walked off (without putting their clothes back on) as King bent down next to Paul and said," Are you alright?" "Yeah. I just need to get some antiseptic, and I'll be fine." "Listen, Paul I'll bet that if you come down to the warehouse on dock 69, you'll find something interesting." "What?" King was already gone.  
  
- Ooohh. Mystery and suspense! Anyway, hoped you laughed and I will see you for Chapter 4! 


	4. Paul gets a surprise

Weird Things in the Tekken Universe  
  
By BahamutZERO  
Chapter 4  
  
At the big warehouse.  
  
Jin was quivering on a box. His mother and father were giving him. the talk. "Now, listen, Jin," Kazuya said. "There are several ways to prevent pregnancy. One way is abstinence. And of all the methods, abstinence is 100% effective. Other ways would be the use of condoms or birth control pills." Jin put his hand up. "Why are you telling me this? It's not like you two practice these habits." Jun put an arm around Jin. "Honey, we know that you're going out with Ling, and we want you to be safe. Now, another way to prevent pregnancy that is not effective at all is "withdrawal." That's when you pull your. uh, your." Kazuya finished. "That's when the guy pulls his penis out before he blows his load." "That's right, Jin. You know, Kazuya tried it with me and that's how we got you. Do you remember that, pumpkin?" "Yeah. It was just two hours and 37 minutes after we got married." Ganryu was chasing Michelle again. Michelle climbed atop several boxes. "Get away from me, you pudgy piece of lard!" she screamed. King came out and said," He's here! Everyone get into position!!" Everyone snapped away and hid himself or herself. Paul walked in and looked around, searching for this so-called interesting thing. "Alright, what's going on here?" "SURPRISE!!!!" Paul screamed and ran for the door. "Wait, Paul!" Nina said. "We just want to give you a present!" Paul came back opened a huge box. Inside. was a brand new Harley Davidson. "Oh, come on you guys. You didn't have to do this," Paul said, almost on the edge of tears. "Yes, we did. You've been such a good friend," Kazuya heartily chuckled. Nina added," Don't you have some incentive to not treat us like shit?" Paul though for a second and said," No." Paul jumped on and drove off. "Thanks, guys!" he yelled back. Yoshi sighed and said," Good thing I rigged it." He produced a small remote control and hit the button. K.BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! (very loud explosion). King looked around and said," PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!" "HELL YEAH!!!"  
  
(Complete change of scenery)  
  
Once upon a time. no wait. that's too corny. Okay, how about. Once, there was an old temple which housed a very nasty being called Ogre. Known as the GOD OF FIGHTING, it was a fearsome beast that stole the souls of all who succumbed to its wrath. However, thanks to the efforts of Jin Kazama, Ogre met its untimely demise right back in the Aztec temple it had awakened in. A recent study of the area revealed that there were unusual amounts of psychometric interference was emanating from the temple. The experts of the study believed that something was definitely happening in the temple. They decided to call upon Jin to investigate.  
  
At a small mountain cabin.  
  
"Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy?" Jun and Kazuya were. were. watching a promotional tape on how to have better sex. Jin and Ling were sitting in his room. "Jin, you know that we've been going steady for about 3 months now." "Yeah." "So, if you want to. you know." Ring-ring. Jin answered the phone. "Hello?" "Jin Mishima?" "Uh, no that's-" "You and your father Kazuya Kazama need to come at once to that old Aztec temple where Ogre is. Please?" "Okay." Jin addressed Ling. "Sorry, but I have to go." "Well, that's all right. I'll see you later, stud." She squeezed his ass and left.  
  
At a really big city.  
  
New York. Here in the city where dreams come true and desires rule all, something is being bought, sold, and thrown away, even as we speak. But behind the scenes from business as usual, the nefarious J. E. (Junker Expensive) Corporation has been selling the consumers products of no positive value. As J. E. swindles yet another customer into purchasing high- priced junk, the FBI mobilizes a special task force to put a stop to the menace. Now, the world's best-kept spy is out there, ready to protect the public from the twisted desires of J. E.- just call him 2.5 (Two-point- five). "This is gonna be an awesome game!" Paul yelled as he examined the back of the computer game. "Sure sounds like it," Forrest said, as he pulled his credit card from his wallet. Suddenly, several men wearing bulletproof vests entered and proceeded to drag Paul out of the store. "HEY!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU FUCKING CRACKHEADS!!!"  
  
At a restaurant.  
  
Yoshi was walking around in the kitchen, ordering the other chefs around. "You! Get back to work! A pinch of salt, I said! Use a wooden spoon, you idiot. Hey! Stop standing around scratching your balls! Go help that guy!" Suddenly, several men wearing bulletproof vests came in and proceeded to drag Yoshi out of the restaurant. "HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU FUCKING CRACKHEADS!!"  
  
At a wrestling ring.  
  
King was facing his opponent. He quickly picked him up by his legs and threw him into the crowd. King raised his arms in triumph. Suddenly, several men wearing bulletproof vests entered and proceeded to drag King away from the ring. "HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU FUCKING CRACKHEADS!!"  
  
At a whore house.  
  
Bryan was busy whacking off with a bunch of other whores. Requiring a Kleenex, Bryan jumped off the table and crossed to the other side of the room. Suddenly, Blah blah blah. "HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH, CRACKHEADS!!"  
  
At an old Aztec temple.  
  
Yoshi, Kazuya, Jin, Paul, Bryan, and King were standing in front of the central door. Paul lost his patience. "What the fuck are we doing here?" Jin raised a hand to calm the seething soul. "Listen. Ogre is a nasty being from outer space. Some researchers think he's back." "That's right," Kazuya said. "I was going to send some pictures back to my wife, but I forgot the stupid camera." The hours dragged on. Yoshi and Paul were playing poker. Paul and Yoshi were arranging their cards. Paul: I can't lose with this! Two aces beat everything! Yoshi: I can't lose with this! A royal flush of spades beats everything! Paul said," I'll bet you. fifty cents." "I'll see you and raise you 97 dollars." King was sleeping. He rolled over and his tight shorts fell down, exposing his. you know. "DAMMIT!! WHY DO I KEEP LOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!" Yoshi simply took out a pad of paper and wrote something down. "So far, you owe me $2500," he said. Suddenly, a ninja in a blue costume leaped down. Everyone snapped to attention (King quickly pulled his pants up). The ninja said," I am Sub- Zero." "It's not that cold," Bryan said. "No, my name is Sub-Zero." Kazuya fiddled around in his bag. "There's the camera. SHIT!!" He flashed it in Bryan's face, who went haywire and started beating off for no reason. Suddenly, more ninjas jumped down, each wearing a different color. King was shocked. "Who the fuck are these guys?" Sub-Zero stepped up and raised a hand. " I am Sub-Zero." "You already told us that, you crackhead," Paul said, as he kinked his neck. The other ninjas told their names. "I am Scorpion." "I am Reptile." "I am Smoke." "I am Ermac." "I am Noob Siabot." Jin started laughing. "Ha ha ha!! Did you just say. nude?" Sub-Zero raised his hand again. "I am Sub-Zero. And together we are. The Six Ninja Guys Who All Look Alike but Wear Different Colors and Have Different Abilities!!!" "The who?" Kazuya said. Sub-Zero seethed," I said. The Six ninja Guys Who All Look Alike but Wear Different Clothes and Have Different Abilities!!!" Paul hit the floor and started laughing. Yoshi was flying around laughing. Bryan was beating off and laughing at the same time. Then Sub-Zero said," Okay, what's your name?" "I am Kazuya, master of uppercuts." "I am Jin, the true master of uppercuts." "I am King, bone breaking wrestler supreme." "I am Paul, the power punching piece of white trash." "I am Yoshimitsu, sword wielding master of cutlery." "I'm Bryan. I'm from Mars. I'm a zombie." Kazuya jumped onto a high ledge and said," And together we are. The Masters of Uppercuts, Power Punching White Trash, Bone Breaking Wrestling, Sword Wielding Masters of Cutlery, and Martian Zombie Group!!!" It's: The Masters of Uppercuts, Power Punching White Trash, Bone Breaking Wrestling, Sword Wielding Master of Cutlery, and Martian Zombie Group versus The Six Ninja Guys Who All Look Alike but Wear Different Colors and Have Different Abilities!!!!!!! A biblical fight ensued.  
  
BUT SUDDENLY THE SUN WENT OUT AND ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET WAS EXTINGUISHED EXCEPT FOR KAZUYA AND THE OTHERS BECAUSE THE NINJA GUYS DIED AFTER THE SUN CAME BACK ON WHEN GANRYU FOUND AN OUTLET FOR IT  
  
(Completely random things here)  
  
At a long street.  
  
Yoshi and King were discussing a topic. Yoshi turned and said," You know acronyms?" "Yeah?" "Well, what if you take an acronym, but the letters mean completely different things?" "How so?" "Like, uh. take ATM, for example. Automated Teller Machine, right?" "Yeah?" "What if you changed it to. Ass Thrusting Machine?" King hit the ground, laughing.  
  
At another street.  
  
Hwoarang was walking down the street. Michelle said," How's it going?" "Not bad. Still trying to avoid Ganryu?" "Yeah." Michelle disappeared around a corner. Ganryu came up. "Hey, Hwoarang. Did you see Michelle?" "Yes, but come on. If you want her try this." Hwoarang went up to Nina and said," Come on, bitch. Let's go down to the whore house and screw." "You got it." They were gone in a flash. Ganryu observed with great dignity. Would it work? Ganryu confronted Michelle and said," Come on, bitch. Lets-" SLAP!!  
  
In a house.  
  
Bruce thought to himself: "If I had a son, I would name him God, so I can slap God around. Ha ha ha!! God, go to your room! God, shut up!! Ha ha!! OBEY ME, GOD!! God, I helped create you!!!!  
  
- Was that funny at all? Whatever. Anyway, since I'm running out of ideas, the last chapter will be coming up soon. Until next time! 


	5. Last chapter

Weird Things in the Tekken Universe By BahamutZERO  
  
Final Chapter  
  
Yoshi and Lei were at Lei's house. Lei threw a rock at a wall. "I'm bored," he said. Yoshi looked up from his reading material. "What are you going to do about it?" "Hit on Jun." "Are you crazy!? Doing that can get you killed!!" "No, it won't. Kazuya is out on a business trip. He'll never know." "What about Jin?" "I'll just find some way to get rid of him." "Well, wouldn't Jun tell Kazuya that you're sexually harassing her?" "No. She wouldn't do anything to endanger the lives of others, right?" Yoshi looked down and said," You're going to regret this, you dick sucker."  
  
At Kazuya's house.  
  
Jun was in the kitchen, baking. She went and answered the door when it rang. "Why, Lei! What a surprise to see you. Won't you come in?" "Yes, I will." Lei stepped inside. Jin came downstairs. When he saw Lei, he became a bit puzzled. "What's he doing here?" Lei smirked as he answered," I was just dropping by for a visit. I see you're making cookies?" "That's right. My husband always wants me to make cookies before he comes back," Jun said. Lei sauntered into the kitchen with Jun following him. Lei was surprised. "Wow! That's a lot of fat! I mean, a lot of yeast! No, I mean, a lot of sugar!" With Jin going to dinner and a movie with Ling, Lei was free to do whatever he wanted. He played with Jun, accidentally touching her breasts and what not. When he was sitting with Jun on the couch, he heard the door creak open. Lei quickly bolted upstairs. Kazuya came inside. Jun stood up and the two embraced. "Hello, Jun Bug." "I LOVE it when you call me that!!!" You know what happens next. Upstairs, Lei discovered that Jin had come back inside by using ladder to go through his window. Lei grabbed Jin. "Jin, hide me!" "Why?" "Kazuya's here!" "So?" "Well, I was hitting on Jun." "WHAT!?" Jin pulled Lei further down the hall. "What the hell were you thinking!?" he said. "I was just bored." Jin sighed and said," You stay in my room and I'll think of a way to get you out." Lei nodded. Jin went downstairs. In Jin's room, Lei fell on the bed. Suddenly, he felt someone else there. "Oh, Jin. I see you're ready for me." Ling was under the covers. She unzipped Lei's pants. "Jin, did you're dick shrink?" Lei swallowed hard. Downstairs, Jin was trying to break his parents apart. Jun sat up and said," You know, there was-" Jin quickly cut her off. "No there wasn't." "But didn't Lei-?" "NO, HE DIDN'T." Jun caught on to the ordeal. "Oh, that's right. There was absolutely no one else here." Jin went back to his room to find Lei getting his dick sucked. Ling was still under the covers. Jin put on a very angry expression. "What the fuck are you doing?" he mouthed. Lei just shrugged. Jin pulled him out of the bed. "Jin, where are you," Ling said. "Just stay under there." Jin addressed Lei. "I covered for you. Now just sneak out the back." He shoved Lei out the door. Jin got back into the bed. "Jin?" "Yes?" "Your dick is bigger." Lei slipped downstairs. When he heard Kazuya coming, he grabbed a lampshade and put it on his head, while standing very still. Kazuya sat down and reached for the lamp. Lei grabbed a flashlight, turned it on, and said," Click." Kazuya continued to read his paper. Lei quickly dropped the flashlight and bolted out the door, before Kazuya even knew it. - Yeah, I know it was short, but that's about all I could think of. By the way, did you catch the Metal Gear Solid 2 reference in the previous chapter? Anyway, thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it. 


End file.
